Nvidia announce all-new GameWork Technologies

Today, Nvidia has announced Project Plum, a library of tools that are designed to bring PC gaming into the next generation, giving more interactivity and control to PC gamers as they take Nvidia’s existing ShadowPlay and Ansel technologies to a whole new level. 

Beta versions of these technologies are already present in Conan Exiles, with Nvidia planning to introduce functionality into more titles like The Witcher 3 and Mass Effect Andromeda in the near future. This will allow these games to deliver more realistic character models with a surprising attention to detail.  

Project Plum is designed to make use of Nvidia’s most famous technologies, including PhysX and HairWorks, allowing gamers to capture higher fidelity in-game dick pics than were previously possible. 

Using Nvidia’s Ansel technology, in-game photographers will be able to capture these images at perfect angles, using Nvidia’s Super Resolution technology for increased capture detail and PhysX to provide highly accurate in-game simulations of Geralt’s Gonads and Conan’s Chap. 

(You asked for it and Nvidia has now delivered the goods)

Some will say that these new features are a pointless waste of resources, neither delivering any tangible improvements to gameplay or visual benefits outside of specific situations, though many will see the benefit of Geralt hosting an accurately simulated cock and balls as he adventures across Novigrad. 

The most interesting uses of this technology will no doubt come in Mass Effect Andromeda, finally giving gamers the chance the see a Krogans Quad, Turians Tang or a Salarian’s Slong, which is something that will no doubt excite many fans of the series. 

This is a work of satire and should not be taken seriously. Nvidia’s Project Plum does not exist, and none of the mentioned updates are coming to The Witcher 3 or Mass Effect Andromeda, though Conan Exiles does already feature simulated male genitalia for some unknown reason. 

You can join the discussion on Nvidia’s Project Plum/SlongWorks on the OC3D Forums.